Tonight, in what is becoming our standard style, we rushed into a place to use a Groupon in the final days of its availability. This time, that place was the Double Wide Grill.
Unfortunately, I wish that I liked the Double Wide Grill more. I really wanted to like this place, since I’ve heard decent stuff about their brunch and their vegetarian-friendly options (clearly I’m not strictly veggie, but I sure do appreciate it done well). But there was something just… off about it.
I guess part of my problem was that I didn’t really realize what ‘double wide’ was supposed to mean. To save anyone else the confusion, double-wide in this situation refers to a double-wide trailer. Alright, alright, I can’t think of anything else that it could have been either, now that I know, but I really didn’t make the connection until we walked in and saw the decor. The outside just looks like a nice, clean gas station, like the kind you’d feel safe stopping at if you were on a road trip and had to pee in the middle of the night in Redneckville, North Carolina.
So I’ll give them points for effort: the Double Wide Grill has really done a great job making the inside of their place look like the set of Killer Joe. Two points for authentic, trashy curtains and those weird lamps made out of beer bottles!
But, well, I know I’m kind of a yuppy these days and all of that, but I just… I don’t really want to eat food that was cooked and served in a trailer. You know? It’s like that restaurant where they throw your food at you, and people go because it’s funny to be insulted. I never got that either. If I’m paying money to eat somewhere, I want it to be clean and nice looking inside (I mean really, what trailer park family is serving seitan anyway??). If it’s going to look like the inside of a trailer, it had better feature a plate of heavenly, greasy, keep-you-full-all-day breakfast meat for $3.99. With unlimited coffee refills, and a view of the grill, manned by someone with only one name, like Ma or Bubba or Cletus.
But I digress.
We started with an order of the mini chicken tacos. Don’t get these, please. The chicken was dry, the tortilla was dry, and there wasn’t anything decent to dip it in. And like, I get that it’s a trailer, and we’re supposed to all be like, ‘Hahaha, you put it in a crappy little box because we’re trashy,’ but come on. I’m paying $9 for these tacos, have a little respect.
I was MUCH more pleased with my dinner selection. Portabella sandwiches are quite hard to come by for whatever reason, but Double Wide did a nice job with this. It still did that weird grey drippy stuff thing that all portabella sandwiches do, but the bun was buttery and toasted, the mushroom was large, AND (because I apparently love mushrooms that much) it came with other, smaller mushrooms and swiss cheese on top. This was awesome. On the side, we tried the ‘hubcap potatoes.’ They were kind of like taking a hush puppy and throwing it into a pot of grease. If I had to do it over again, I would have just ordered fries.
Michael got a regular beef burger ‘breakfast style’ and on a wrap. It had eggs on top, and it was really quite tasty. He agreed about the hubcap potato thingies too, though. They just sort of sit in your stomach endlessly for several hours.
So the dinner sandwiches weren’t bad. Unfortunately, the atmosphere and the service was. I know they were busy, but it took almost half an hour between appetizer and entree. Oh, and the man staff are far too beardy for my tastes. I know I’m a yuppy and all, but seriously. There’s a reason no one cares what the hell ZZTop are up to these days.
Despite all of these things, I think we will return to the Double Wide for a second chance. They have a large patio section, and I do love sitting outside for food so much, and I would like to give their brunch a shot. I just feel like this time, I’ll go in with my lowered expectations and maybe come out happier. I’ll just tell everyone we’re brunching at the trailer, yinz come on dahn nah n’at.