The Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey: Rounds 2 & 3 At North Park

Achievement: #66. Have the Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey

Well, the ‘Guins may have lost the ‘real’ Stanley Cup Playoffs in the first round (even though you put up a good fight, boys!), but despite some initial setbacks, I am pleased to report that our Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey are still going strong!

Last night, the competition heated up as we returned to the newly-renovated Wildwood Highlands Arena for round two of this exciting competition. And here to tell you all about it is Mike Lange (with, of course, color commentary provided in italics by the ol’ 2-9er).

Oh, it’s a hockey night in North Park! Tonight, here at the Wildwood Highlands Arena, we’re bringing you an action packed second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey. As you remember, it came down to the wire in round one, but Jaromir Jagr managed to pull off the victory in the final moments.

Round 2 Hockey
She’s the home team tonight, but opting to wear her black jersey. Just look at the intensity, Bourquie. She’s in this to win it!

Round 2 Hockey
Oh, she certainly is Mike. But let’s not forget the challenger, another Penguin great returning to the hometown, Alexei Kovalev! Kovalev really feels he has something to prove tonight, and the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey is just the place to do it!

This is looks like it’s going to be quite the matchup. And we’re just moments away from dropping the puck. It’s a loud arena, and let’s not kid ourselves: despite the renovations they’ve recently done at Wildwood Highlands Arena, we’ve got some really wild ice down there.

That’s correct. I can’t even begin to guess an age on this table, but I’d have to say it’s probably older than either of our contenders. They don’t make ’em like this anymore, and for good reason. We can expect to see a lot of strange bounces tonight, I’m sure.

Well let’s see how this plays out. Jeff Jimmerson has done another real bangup job on our national anthem, and the puck has just dropped. And Jagr’s already got control of the ice, she’s on a major breakaway and SHEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHOOTS AND SCORES! JAROMIR JAGR IS SMILIN’ LIKE A BUTCHER’S DOG RIGHT NOW!

Round 2 Hockey
Oh, I’ll tell you who’s NOT smiling, and that’s Alexei Kovalev. Jagr had such a strong finish in the first round, Kovie’s got to be worrying about what she’s bringing to the table this time.

Well, he’s going to have a nice 20 minutes to think about it going into this first intermission. This’ll also give those loud kids across the way a chance to play Deal or No Deal over and over without bumping elbows into our hockey greats!

Oh, what’s this? Just a few moments into the second period, and it looks like we’ve got a delay of game penalty against Jagr! Let’s see what Kovalev can do on the Power Play!

You just can’t give up penalties like that in these intense games, Bourquie. And Jagr knows this, let’s see if she can hold up on the PK. Kovalev is really going to have to OHHH NEVER TEACH A PIG TO SING! DID YOU SEE THAT BEAUTIFUL GOAL?

A Power Play goal for Alex! What a beauty that was! But wait, what’s this? They’re calling another penalty. Could it be… No! It’s a delay of game penalty on Kovalev!

You’re right, that’s back-to-back penalties for these elite puckhandlers. That must be some really choppy ice down there! They just can’t get the biscuit to stay out of the seats.

::four more consecutive delay of games occur because of the puck bouncing against the weird metal walls of the table and off onto the floor, including one bounce so bad that one of the little kids has to go and retrieve it for us::

Round 2 Hockey
Well, ladies and gentlemen. After 60 minutes of play and an odd turn of events, this game has come down to sudden death overtime. We’re tied 6-6, and it’s going to be last goal wins it.

And Kovie has the puck, he’s skating around with it, he’s hesitating, he’s thinking, oh it looks like he’s trying to psych out the exhausted Jaromir Jagr. Can he do it? OH LOOK OUT LORETTA, HE’S DONE IT! ALEXEI KOVALEV WINS THE SECOND ROUND OF THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS OF AIR HOCKEY!

Round 2 Hockey
Oh, looks like we’ve got a malfunction in the scoreboard! Seems that someone thinks this game is still going!

Well, are we really that surprised, after all the problems they’ve had with the ice here? Seems Wildwood Highlands Arena could really take a lesson from the Igloo. Maybe it’s time to invest in a new table.

Round 2 Hockey
And I think it looks like Jaromir Jagr is going to invest in a new career. She looks like she’s ready to hang her skates up for good this time.

Oh, we can never be too sure, Bourquie. It could be only a matter of time before we see her back in a Penguins jersey!

Stranger things have happened! Take tonight for example: it seems we’re going to have a double-header!

That’s right, it looks like to make up for the closed arena last week, we’re going to have back-to-back games. It looks like Kovalev is headed to the Eastern Conference Finals of the Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey, just across town at the Loews Arena in the Waterfront!

Round 3 Hockey
And the challenger, none other than Sid the Kid! Sidney Crosby, coming back off that scary concussion with some new energy it seems. He really seems excited to be here!

I’m sure he is. You have to remember: this is the second most important game in the Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey. If Sid can take on Kovalev in this matchup, he can go all the way to the finals next week.

And at just 23 years of age, Sid definitely has youth on his side against the aging Alexei Kovalev. Let’s see what happens!

Well, we’ve got another sketchy bit of ice at this arena. It doesn’t seem to be much different than the last spot, so we’ll see how that plays out between these two teams. And will you LOOK AT THAT, ALEXEI KOVALEV! HE’S JUST GOTTEN THE HATTRICK, THREE BACK-TO-BACK GOALS AGAINST YOUNG SIDNEY. BUY SAM A DRINK, AND GET HIS DOG ONE TOO!

And this place is just LOUD. I don’t know what song it is that this arena has decided to play after every goal, but it’s sure… loud. And rather annoying. But good job, Kovie! The old guys, showin’ the next generation how it’s done!

Oh, but Sir Sidney is not going to take this one lightly. No, I can see the fire in her eyes, she’s going to make a comeback. OH, GET IN THE FAST LANE, GRANDMA, THE BINGO GAME IS READY TO ROLL! SIDNEY CROSBY! FIVE GOALS IN 3 MINUTES, SHE IS REALLY COMING BACK!

This is playoff hockey, folks. The real deal! The finesse and excellent puck handling of Sidney Crosby – you just can’t match it.

Round 3 Hockey
You certainly can’t. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has JUST left the building. Sidney Crosby wins the Eastern Conference Finals of the Stanley Cup Playoffs of Air Hockey, in an exciting 7-6 victory, after coming back from a 3-goal defecit.

Oh, but we have to give Kovie his credit. He’s played two games in a row tonight, which is just unheard of in this sport. And at 38 years of age, that’s just astounding. But tonight, it’s all about Sid the Kid. She may be #87 in your program, but tonight, she’s #1 in your hearts. Well, and #2, and #3, since you all know that we’re short on the roster for these games.

Round 3 Hockey
But you know one thing about this kid, she’s a real class act. Looks like she and Alex are going to go out and catch up after a few drinks after this game.

For Mike Lange and Phil Bourque here at the Waterfront, thank you for reading, and we’ll see you at Games N’at Arena for the Finals, against an exciting Western Conference champion yet to be announced…

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